You are very lucky. Unless you are like me. Raw and disliked. I stopped liking myself when they told me who I was.

Since then, I started hearing their voices echoing in my mind repeating their dislike of my existence. I live with it, somehow. But today I decided to change that. It was all going to stop. I wasn’t worth the trouble I was giving myself. I stood at a cross junction. It was rush hour. Lot’s of cars but not much speed. I crossed myself to the other side.

Shoved about the crowd like a pinball I zigzagged to the bridge over the train tracks. Trains were not fast below here either as they approached the station. It wouldn’t be clean. No guarantees. Too much of an inconvenience too.
Onward and by now I was walking against the commuting crowds. Not seen. Why should they, not even I can see myself anymore.

I entered a park. It was small and deserted. I walked myself to the furthest bench under a large tree hiding my lonely existence beneath its weeping branches. A small bird flew down not a few yards in front of me. Its hopeful gaze for a crumb on its delicate face. I had something. A sandwich I had made this morning in case I lasted until lunch.

It hopped in anticipation for a reward just for existing. Just for trying its luck with a stranger. I scattered some crumbs for its efforts and for any of its friends that should be lucky to be acquainted with it.

My existence was useful to this hopeful robin. That made something sparkle inside of me. A small seed of light nestled inside of me. A foreign welcoming feeling. Soon overtaken by a heaviness in the throat followed by a tear down my cheek.
Sorrowful tears dared to show themselves sliding down my face putting out my sparkle. I barely held onto it and it was gone again.

It flew away leaving me dry and alone again.

Another presence was felt in the park. A kindly grandfather figure walked in, aided by a walking stick. Time for me to leave.

I smiled at him and his sparkly eyes returned it back. I caught the sparkle this time and felt it grow lovingly inside of me again. It lasted a little longer. I heard my dull footsteps for the first time this morning. The sparkle had been trodden upon.

I had to find more sparkly moments. It wasn’t long before I found them in the laughter of a baby pushed along in a pram as I pulled a contorted face only babes would understand or the kind appreciation of a held door for someone.

I kept walking feeding this energy that began to grow exponentially and stuck with me like a swan’s mate. Forever, I hoped. It was worth keeping my existence going just for that. For others. Maybe one day for myself too.

[The above is a 500 word story, a step towards my million word journey.]