This post below was originally published in a closed Facebook group for WriteNow 2016/17 candidates. I wanted to share it here on my blog as a reflection for me to remind myself how grateful I am to Penguin Random House’s Write Now team.

So I’ve had my strop after finding out that I didn’t make it through to the mentoring programme. Despite what might initially seem as a setback, I’ve been really reflecting on how magical this experience has been for me. Someone from a non-literary background to have this opportunity to be in the same room as some of you has blown me away and has really inspired me.

In fact I was actually googling ‘writing competitions’ for my daughter when I stumbled upon the WriteNow opportunity two days before the deadline. So I thought ‘why not’ and forgot about it completely. Receiving that email inviting me to the Penguin offices on the Strand was such a confidence boost. I even prepared with a shopping trip for an outfit, any excuse, I know, but being a nerd generally I hardly cared to don on anything beyond the usual bland colours so the colour red was my breakout theme for that day.

Like many, I had arrived early, and couldn’t wait to mingle with all of you writers, I ping-ponged between so many people that I was genuinely stunned to be amongst so much talent and very flattered too. I barely spoke to any of the editors or the authors! It’s safe to say I was a bit overwhelmed. In fact when Rebecca Smart stated that they would shortlist those based on their first 5000 I shrugged it off and thought ‘I never get through these things anyway’ so I just enjoyed every minute of what I did have. At one point I had a coughing fit during the ‘Demystifying Publishing’ session and refused to leave the room because I wanted to hear everything. As far as I was concerned this was a once in a lifetime opportunity and started to tell my body to pull itself together! And it worked…eventually.

Then I had a lovely encouraging one to one with Joe Marriott, who gave me a huge confidence boost that the first submission stage was at least on the right track. For the first time I became hopeful. I don’t even remember the journey home after that.

So when I was shortlisted, it was even more nerve wracking because they asked for the remaining work or what we had of our manuscripts. I was terrified because I only had a sketch which I knew would need more work from me. I was engulfed in a bit of self-sabotage and went into denial that maybe the over-arching story was what they wanted. I reflect now and realise I should have tidied it up instead of reacting to their email with ‘you want words, I’ll give you words’ and not putting them in the order they should have been! I had a few demons to battle with that’s for sure! Especially the one with “you’re not a writer – you fraud!”

I was blessed to have connected with so many that it really helped me go through the process together. In factMuna Mohamed, Nazneen Afroza Pathak, Charlie Castelletti, Joyce-Efia Harmero and I had a cocktail of emotions during the final days. It was like one of those Friends episodes that I would title ‘The one with the many mini heart attacks’.

We had all waited over 3 months for this moment. In that time I battled with many more demons and maybe the 3 months were a blessing rather than a curse for those from London, I don’t know. For me it certainly turned out that way. Because before the results were announced I somehow had a feeling I didn’t get through and had my emotional turmoil out of the way. But in that chaos I followed the advice of, now agented, Joyce-Efia Harmer to apply to do a Writers for Children course.

And so I did, I applied to City Lit and was delighted to find that the course tutor was none other than Penguin Random House’s own Neil Arksey! I laughed, I enrolled and I got accepted!

So I’ve made a decision to focus on developing my writing craft and to take the advice from the wonderful WriteNow 2016/17 team. That is, and always has been, to ‘KEEP WRITING’.

Thank you for this wonderful life-changing opportunity. ❤xxxx